Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Randomize
