I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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