my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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