i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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