You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
