I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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