my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
