I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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