There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
