brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
