ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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