he puts the penis in happiness.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
