my room smells like sperm. sweet.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
