i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
