i jhust puked up my retainher.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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