I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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