You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
