You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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