All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
