Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
