Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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