you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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