kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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