Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
