If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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