Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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