Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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