do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
