i think my mom watched the whole time
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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