I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
