he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
