I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Found the puke drawer
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
