I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize