dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
