My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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