Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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