babies were throwing up all over the place
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
