This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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