I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
