I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
