I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
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Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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