i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
