omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
