he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize