SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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