The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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