You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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