Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
