Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
