I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize