he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
