We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
