so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
