I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
