Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
