I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
