that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
