I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
