So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
