She is in my trunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We just shotgunned beers for America
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
