i think my tv is drunk
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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