I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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