I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
