dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
